In Honour of My Emma
It is with the deepest sorrow and heartache I share with you that on June 13, at 1:30 pm, my heart horse, great soul love and spiritual teacher, Emma, was laid to rest and returned to spirit. In this lifetime, Miss Emma, Surprise Time took me on a wild, action-packed, deep soul journey for 19 years. While her life and our time together were too short, we knew forever could never be long enough. I feel a deep sense of knowing that this wasn’t our first lifetime together; our souls have teamed up many lifetimes before to grow and evolve our spiritual beings, and this lifetime, we came through to work on many big life themes. I couldn’t imagine a more perfectly matched soul mate for her or myself, and I also knew we would be back together again on the day she gained her wings.
Emma leaves a legacy of gentle leadership, fierce love, passion, joy, and profound wisdom in the healing arts and holds a guiding light towards self-love, self-worth, and the invitation to step into the mystery. Her strength and resilience shined through to the very end.
She was determined to fill our lifetime together with as much action and soul adventures as possible. From bringing home all the hardware from the local club shows and the WHAO shows to competing throughout the USA and Ontario at the APHA and AQHA shows, “surprising” us all with the many red and blue ribbons we brought home. We enjoyed the trails where deer were a constant companion throughout our lifetime, and swimming in Lake Erie together, which were some of our favourite memories. She was constantly sending me on quests to learn, and I'm fairly certain I have graduated with a PhD from Emma's own university.
Returning Emma “home” into my care for the final 3+ years of her life will forever be one of my favourite chapters. From ensuring she had the deepest bedded and cleanest stall in the barn to the finest hay, we drove across southern Ontario each year to find hay that both tested well and exceeded her expectations of good hay. She enjoyed daily home care from her guardians, including soothing bodywork and spa treatments, complete with crystals, aromatherapy and a Reiki playlist. Two full grooms per day — always — all the healthy treats, self-selected herbs, and, of course, all scratches she desired. As always throughout her lifetime, she enjoyed the finer things in life, including a nightly routine of her walking freely throughout the barn, where she checked in and offered healing to each horse before settling in to eat her hay right out of the bale. Just like me, when I’m cooking, it always tastes better right out of the pan, and in this case, bale! While she had the mischievous sparkle about her, for breaking the silliest rules that exist, she was extremely respectful and would only enjoy her own hay (it also was the finest, hand-picked for Emma, so I suppose it was a no-brainer).
Emma lived life large; she loved travelling throughout the province as we moved to new areas to live and into the USA for horse shows. She loved a stop where we could open the drop-down windows and allow those young at heart to visit her and praise her beauty. She even made a few tours of our neighbourhood in Byron! Over the years, she was known to escape just for fun at home at the farm and romp around just to make us all panic and show us she could. She entered each arena glowing and proud; while she didn’t always agree with all the fuss I put into her, she deeply enjoyed always being the best turned out both at the shows and on the farm. Grooming was one of my most sacred rituals with her. In her retirement, her favourite way to spend time was our hand-walking hacks through the forest and fields. She would trot along the lead and take me on a tour throughout the property and trails, rolling in the softest grass; hand grazing was another favourite ritual, as was a trot into her field each morning and a trot to come in at night. I frequently received messages from surprised boarders about my calm, well-behaved girl having wild romps and the “omg, Emma is standing on two legs in the field” messages.
Last September, Emma was diagnosed with Insulin Resistance and Laminitis. As always, throughout our 19 years together, I poured everything and then some into her care. I did everything possible. I spent every waking hour studying to understand this disease, understand homeopathy, nutrition and Emma’s guidance while deeply engaging with her in philosophical conversations on disease, aging, quality of life, heart-brain coherence, breath work, and calming down and opening up to receive messages from spirit. Winter was good to us, Emma reconciled a lifelong aversion to cattle, showing us all she had the ability to trot right at them (on the other side of the fence) and decided to be an outdoor pony. This spring, things shifted quickly, and it became abundantly clear that the direction we were rapidly heading in was no longer towards a life that she would want to live.
We were masters of the rehab from early on in our partnership. We worked through a long list of conditions and illnesses together, but this would not be one of them. Before things went too far, causing both of us trauma and profuse and unnecessary suffering, she was lovingly returned to spirit after three weeks of providing her with as much love, joy, and comfort as we could possibly bring. On Emma’s last day in body, we spent our day hand grazing together, grooming, braiding her mane and enjoying her favourite meals, many, many bags of thin organic carrots (her favourite, very particular request) all the G’s Cookies, Barnies, the sweetest watermelon and a few roasted sweet potato slices.
I am profoundly thankful for our vet, who provided us the most compassionate care for both Emma and I, reassuring me that this was the greatest gift I could give her. For my dear friend Rachel, who supported me throughout the decision-making journey and the unimaginable grief — Death doulas are human too, and while I have helped other guardians navigate their beloved animals' end of life, walking with Emma to the end, I too needed this compassionate unwavering support and space to just be as messy and broken as I am. For my therapist. There aren’t even words at this time to describe the level of appreciation for our transformative work together through my season of death, loss and grief. While there are many great grief therapists out there, mine truly is the best. For my team in spirit, for working overtime throughout the last decade and showing me the way. For my Mom, who made the most incredible life choice to bring a 2-year-old horse and a puppy into your fourteen-year-old daughter’s life the same spring. Your soul knew you wouldn’t get to see me through adulthood and that I needed an extra special team to carry me through. For my Dad, who worked harder than anyone I have ever known to provide for our family and allowed me to follow my heart into caring for and connecting with animals and for never once questioning how our lives would revolve around them. For every sacrifice made by both my parents.
As I reflect on our 19 years together, I also want to thank my two coaches, Jade and Louise, who had the biggest impact not only on my horsemanship and riding career but also profoundly shaped my life, my love for learning and the way I would move through life with so much more courage because of you both. Your patience, compassion and joy for teaching are gifts to everyone who has ever had the privilege to ride with you both. For every friend made along the way, boarding together, learning together, showing together, hacking and just simply owning horses together and enjoying the ride. You were all a beautiful part of our journey, and it would not have been the same without each and every one of you, filling my memories with joy and laughter through every stride. To the bodyworkers, lightworkers, vets, homeopaths, and hoofcare professionals who extended the utmost dedication and commitment to working with Emma and me in various chapters of her life, I am deeply grateful, and our path was forever changed in working together.
I also have an overwhelming amount of gratitude, appreciation, admiration, and love for my partner Emily, who joined me on this crazy carpet ride of horse guardianship ten years ago. Thank you for joining me on every trip to the vet clinic, ensuring our truck and trailer were always ready to haul safely, that many teas were ready, and that our cooler was always stocked with healthy foods. When my health declined, you sat and listened with great care as I explained the meticulous level of care I provided and listened to the harsh realities of why, followed through on my behalf and, with your own level of spice, kicked it up a notch in the mucking department — not even the tiniest fleck of poo was a match for you. You allowed me to teach you the ways of Emma, allowing me to share my deep heart love with you. While from Emma’s perspective, you were the spare human, a stand-in, a well-meaning and loving caregiver, I know how she would release a big sigh the days it was just you pulling in the drive and not me; Emma was simply a one-person horse. Take no offence; take nothing personally. She was never impressed by anyone. But to me — you were the most incredible and devoted partner. I know the pure love you carry for me and her, and so does Emma. Thank you for sharing in the last 5 years of round-the-clock care and learning to live the last year on 2-4 hours of sleep like, you said wasn’t possible. I told you from the beginning that Emma was a horse that would take every limit held within your being and demand you push past it. Together, you and I were Emma’s steadfast team that outperformed any treatment facility and for walking beside us through the sorrowful end. We would not have arrived where we are without you.
The loss of Emma is deep, life-course-altering, and shocking. She shaped my teens, defined my twenties and transformed my thirties. She marks the final loss of the family that raised me, seeing me grow up years beyond my parents, and was the one there for me, along with Maddie, throughout every heartache and painful experience, as well as every joy and success. She was and will forever be my great soul love with me in spirit.
Miss Emma “ Surprise Time ”
April 16, 2004 — June 13, 2025
